I’ve been known to smoke a corncob pile while sumo wrestling trained chimpanzees. I once broke a toe hunting werewolves in the Everglades. In 1973 I defeated Sean Connery in a hot dog eating contest, and survived the torrent of wiener jokes that followed. I’m a joker and a midnight toker, but, surprisingly, not a smoker. I have eaten the yellow snow — and it was good. I’ve rocked a combover that would make aging news anchors jealous. I’ve made many a grown man cry. I am epic. I am eternal. I am GNARLE.